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The
Feature Articles
New Article
"The
Best Ways to Develop a Lasting Relationship"
Conscious
Communication Series
Part 02
"Express
Yourself
with Purpose"
February
2007 Part 01
"Dress
to Express"
January 2007
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April 2006
Attraction. That's one of the key words you'll hear
talked about a lot when it comes to creating Romantic Relationships.
When you hear the word attraction, you may think of something that captures
your attention, and triggers desires within you, something automatic,
unconscious and magnetic.
If you want to meet someone right now, and be able to
create a memorable experience, where that person will want to see more of
you, and most likely be 'romantically interested' in you, then you will have
to build attraction for that to happen.
That phase from the very first moment you meet someone,
even after your relationship develops, is all about Attraction. When
you create attraction, you deepen desire, which deepens Emotional Relevance.
Having a good level of attraction between you will ensure that they will
definitely be excited to see you again, for you to pick up where you left
off.
You want that first meeting to generate a high level of
attraction, because we all know that being busy with life, and meeting
different people, if you don't differentiate or stand out from the rest, by
setting a standard of who you are, you won't make a strong enough impression
that will make those you meet want to get to know you better, or spend time
with you.
After all, you've just met, and there are billions of
people on this planet. If you don't make yourself stand out, by being
someone who creates memorable experiences, you'll just blend in with the
rest of your gender, Just Another Average Guy or Girl, so as Attraction is
being created, they will feel a stronger Pull towards you, and if you
reciprocate that attraction, you will feel a strong Pull towards them.
Now, if you want to intensify that attraction, what do
you do? You throw a little Push into the picture. Push and Pull.
What this does is creates Sexual Tension between the two of you. An
extreme of this is seen in movies, where they juxtapose High levels of
attraction between two characters with the risk of losing each other,
through some danger either physical, or emotional, such as introducing a new
rival character that represents a Sexual Threat.
This "Threat" threatens to push you apart, while your
attraction desires are pulling you together. We've all heard of
stories, where say a man, had feelings for a woman, but didn't have the
courage to act on those feelings until he saw the Sexual Threat, come into
the picture, or when she's about to leave on a jet plane, and she's not sure
when she'll be back again, he’s overcome by his desires, and finally gets
the courage to run after her to tell her that he loves her.
Yes, very exciting, but what about in everyday
conversation with members of the opposite sex? Well you can and must
create attraction at those times as well, while at the same time balancing a
little “Push & Pull” tension in the mix to "Intensify Attraction".
You see, when you first meet someone and you've started
the conversation with some humorously playful remark, what you're doing is
creating attraction, desire and intrigue. You've sparked something
here. Now as you continue talking, sure you could laugh about other
things, flirting it up and so forth, but you also want to add some “Push”
into the mix, to create tension, by doing something like, playfully teasing,
assertive, confident humour, like asking them a couple times in a row
whenever they say something about themselves, "Are you just saying that to
get me to like you? I am smarter than that you know, nice try!" with a
little naughty smile or wink!
Saying something like this as a "Push" to “amplify
attraction” in addition to all the Pulling you're doing to “create
attraction”, back and forth, “2 steps forward, one step back”, will continue
to perpetually raise that Attraction between you two, to higher levels.
Then as you get to know the 'facts' about each other, what you do for work,
where you live, all that "boring stuff" you'll have a strong connection and
relevance to attach the facts to, a foundation to build upon.
This is why many people fail to create attraction at the
beginning, by talking about all the facts first, without sharing your Real
Self, the inner you, by having fun together, which is something you should
both do. That way you get to 'feel each other out’ and see if this is
the type of person you'd want to know all those facts about and get to know
better.
Additionally, continually amplifying and intensifying the “Mutual
Attraction” is so important, because when the attraction in a relationship
dies, the facts that you know about each other, won’t be enough to keep the
two of you together. Perhaps the past memories of those intense
moments when you were both laughing, creating fun together, may spark it
that attraction again, but even so, you’ll still need to create more
memorable experiences together, layering them on top of your past
experiences together, and get back to having fun living life with one
another in the moment.
Creating attraction is really a state of mind, a state of
being, a way of communicating that you want to set as your ‘default way of
communicating together’. If you’re not talking about serious stuff,
then why not make the rest of your time together “a joy to live and a joy to
remember.” The morning rush to work can be fun together, if you choose
to make it fun for the both of you, like working together as a team to get
each other ready, instead of focusing only on yourself during those precious
hours in the morning, which set the tone for your whole day.
The concept of Push & Pull is likened to pumping up a
tire with a foot pump. To fill up the tire you’ll alternate between a
press and release, a push and pull… if you just press, and don’t release you
won’t get anywhere, and eventually the tire will deflate, and if you just
stay released, you’re not making progress.
You can’t just tease only, or bust on each other or mess
with each other only, or flirt only, or tell jokes only all day, because
even though you will be creating attraction, it will get old, and
repetitive, very fast, and become counterproductive. Instead, mix it up,
make the conversations, and time spent together interesting, intriguing,
fun, mesmerising, and captivating, stirring desirable emotions between the
two of you.
The main goal of attraction is to have fun together, and
reminds me of the Childhood Playground. Boys and Girls having fun
together, learning the tools for interaction together that will grow and
mature with them as they grow older. But the essence is still the
same…
In Dr Maxwell Maltz book Psycho-Cybernetics, he mentions
a film called "State and Main", where a happy young woman was conversing
with a big city writer, who thought that everyone who lives in a small town
must be bored out of their minds with nothing to entertain them, so somewhat
puzzled, he started asking her about what they do for entertainment, since
you can only tip so many cows till that gets old! What she told him is a
dynamic mindset, which she patiently explained, "Fun, is only fun if you
make it, if someone else does it for you, it is entertainment."
Now, that is really what Attraction is all about,
creating Fun together, that should be the underlying 'essence' or 'spirit'
behind your intentions when creating the attraction and experience in the
moment. To enjoy that experience fully, and give them an experience
they'll enjoy as well, having someone you can truly enjoy and have fun with,
cherish life with, and create many 'good times' and memories together, that
you'll both cherish for the rest of your lives!
David Vassell
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