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"The Best Ways to Develop a Lasting Relationship"

Conscious
Communication Series

Part 02
"Express Yourself
with Purpose"
February 2007

Part 01
"Dress to Express"
January 2007

"Conscious Communication Series"
Part 02
"Express Yourself With Purpose"

February 2007

To express yourself with purpose is to have a clear understanding of who you are and what kind of life you want to create for yourself. It is where you choose why you do what you do, and the stronger the ‘why’ is, the more likely you will get what you want.

Many people when in a dating environment, often don’t have a purpose clear in mind, and therefore aren’t centered within. Because of this, they don’t achieve the results in their dating lives that they want, because if you have No purpose, you will get No results. You won’t know what to say and you won’t know what to do.

When a person is on a date, and they feel that nervousness within, uneasiness, unsure what to do or say, this is because they are not “Centered Within”. When you are centered, you are ‘on point’, you act ‘on purpose’, your focused, you are clear-headed, you are calm, and therefore you are in the best ‘state of mind’.

You are then able to fully express your true self with the person you are dating, and not your ‘ego-self’, which is when you start saying what you think your date wants to hear, so that they will like you.

When you are calm and collected, you are able to ‘think before you speak’, and not just talk off the top of your head, or say things in reaction to emotions you’re feeling inside. When dates turn into heated arguments, it is usually because each person allows the emotional energy the other person is projecting which is ‘magnetic’ to pull them from their center of being “The One Choosing and the One Chased”, to you Chasing them to be Chosen.

Now you are trapped in the energy of trying to get them to agree with you, or ultimately accept you, and when you feel that they are getting more ‘distant’ in their stance, the greater you desire them to like you more.

Now most people would think of this as ‘attraction’, and in a sense it is, but it isn’t a ‘healthy’ attraction, it isn’t the kind of attraction that grows into love which is what real, lasting relationships are truly based on.

On the other hand, when you are centered within and maintain your centeredness with integrity, you will always be calm and collected, which means you are the One in Control. Nothing in your environment can or will affected you within unless you choose to give your ‘power’ over to the circumstances in your environment and believe that your situation is out of your control.

Instead, you realize that the only thing that is really under your control, is your inner state of being, which is who you are or who you choose to be, which you Express with Purpose. Therefore you are free to be yourself, and do so without any concern to what your date will think about who you are as an individual.

As well, you won’t take anything that happened, or anything that they do to you or around you personally, as it is all just and Expression of their Self. The question is, are you both compatible or not?

Well, once you start expressing yourself with purpose, you’ll know who you are and what you want, and since you are centered within, you’ll be free of the judging and doubt and fear that pop up in your mind and distract you from fulfilling your purpose, and be able to clearly see the other person for who they truly are, and not what your mind makes them out to be, or wants them to be.

Since you are being your unique and authentic self, you can clearly see if they are being ‘real’ with you or not, and in this way you can choose whether or not they ‘fit’ with your purpose for your love life.

Now let’s talk about “Purpose”. We have the Power of Free Will. We choose what life we want for ourselves either consciously or unconsciously. Most people run through life unconsciously and therefore never get more in life than is ‘given’ to them. These are the ones that are Chasing after Life to be Chosen by Life, to be happy.

When you live Consciously you are aware Every Moment of your Power of Choice, and therefore you are Live in the Now, and therefore you Choose the Live you want and you then Let Life Come to you or Chase You! You become the One Choosing and the One Chased!

The best way to apply this to dating is to think of a Prince or a Princess. Say the Prince is ready to start dating. Since he realizes he’s a Prince, or a Prize, a ‘catch’, he realizes or ‘claims’ the Power of Choice for himself, which is a human right we all have.

Now from there, he realizes that since he views himself as a Prize, he doesn’t need to try to be ‘chosen’ by anyone, he does the choosing, and so he is now the one Chased. All the Princesses in the Land are now Chasing him, so that they can be chosen by the Prince to be HIS Princess!

Here are the Polarities of our “Self-Purpose” that we express every moment either consciously or unconsciously.

Man = Masculine Center, Feminine Finesse
Choosing / Chased
Woman = Feminine Center, Masculine Finesse
Chasing / Chosen

Basically we can see people as either choosers or chasers. One believes that we can get what we want, and that what we want comes to us easily. Chasers believe they must go after what they want and that they may not get it unless they are given it. That’s one side of the coin.

There are also those that see life as something that chooses them to be happy, and not something they can create for themselves, and there are those that see life as chasing them, and that the world provides all that they want and desire whenever they choose for their life.

We reclaim our Power of Choice when we stop chasing after what we want and we choose what we want and know the reasons why, and then we just ‘do our thing’, as we watch life create the circumstances or events in our life that will provide us with the opportunities needed to see the fruition of our purpose our choices in life come to be.

When in the dating environment, we can either choose who we want to date, or chase after the types of persons we thing we should be with, or we’re told is the type of person that is ‘socially acceptable’ or ‘socially desirable’, like your average ‘model-type’ woman.

Now for some people, those types of women are compatible, and would go well with certain types of men, but not ‘all’ men, and if each man is honest with themselves and who they are and what they want for their lives, they will quickly realize what type of woman they SHOULD be searching for.

Often times, that may be drastically different from what their friends or their ‘social circle’ may ‘approve of’, but again, since these consciously aware ones are centered within and accept themselves for who they are and free express themselves with purpose, it only matters if they are happy with whom they’re choosing to be with.

The best polarity for a Man to develop in expressing self with purpose, is to Be The One Choosing and the One Chased, which is to be “Centered Within”.

To be “Centered Without”, is to accept the position of the One Chasing and the One Chosen which pushes all your energy outwards, and pushes away what you are chasing after even farther away, so that you end up getting more of ‘chasing to get chosen’, and never getting anywhere.

When you are Choosing and Chased, you pull what you want for your life to you, towards your center, which is within, and you get MORE of that in life, more YOU being the One Choosing and the One Chased. This is the Law of Attraction, what you sow is what you reap.

What you will now see from this is that in dating situations or any situation in life, where we are centered is what we attract or create in our lives. If you are on a date and you focus on who terrible your life is, you create a more terrible live, because your date won’t end well.

If you focus on how wonderful your life is, at the end of they day, regardless of what happens, you’ll still choose to see the good that happened in life, and therefore that day will always be remembered as a happy day, a happy month, a happy relationship, a happy life, in the now.

Another way of looking at this is the expression we hear all the time in relation to dating, “Want them but don’t need them”. Now this is a good purpose to be centered within on, but you can also want something so much, that you start to chase after it.

Or you start to develop an ‘attachment’ to the outcome, which means you want to be chosen, and aren’t letting the circumstances come to you, and just being open and ready for it when it does.

Instead, Practice Contentment.

What this means is to “Be Content Within, Regardless of What Happens”.

If you are the Prize, the One Chased, then it doesn’t matter ‘when’ the right relationship materializes in your life, or if the girl at the bar you are chatting it up with ‘likes you or not’, you will always be you, regardless of what happens.

From that inner peace, you’ll project a charisma and confidence that attracts women to you because you are not needy, and have no ‘hidden-agenda’.

Deep down you know who you are, who you want in your life to date, and know that life will bring to you what you want and will create the ‘coincidences’ needed to get what you want. Therefore you can be calm, collected and content within, regardless of what happens in the ‘Now’.

No matter what particular situation that may arise when you are on the dating scene, it doesn’t matter if you ‘get’ that particular girl you are talking to right then, since your purpose is to find a woman that you enjoy being with, who is compatible with you since after all, you are the One Choosing and the One Chased.

Now there are two kinds of Purpose that we can ‘set’ for ourselves, and are important to have in mind, as it will help you making decisions that are in-line with your chosen purpose in life.

These are your “Macro Purpose” and your
“Micro Purpose”.

Your Macro Purpose relates to the “way” you live your life, your long-term purpose and direction in life, the person you want to be when all things are said and done, the type of person you want to live your life as.

Your Micro Purpose relates to “How” you go about creating the life you want in the Now, or the individual moments in your life in which you are expressing yourself with a purpose, which is basically EVERY MOMENT you live when you are awake!

Your Micro Purpose is governed by your Macro Purpose which is to say that when you have decided on the way you want to live your life then you will be able to express that in the moment, and how you choose to do that will then reflect who you are within, and then whatever your center is you will realize.

To develop the quality of Integrity which is necessary for lasting relationships, one must then stay centered within, and express themselves purposefully, regardless of what’s happening in their environment, so that no matter what, you are always ‘on point’, Authentic and Real.

This means you won’t start chasing and give up your self-respect or your “Macro Purpose”, the core of who you are, just to “get what you want”.

For example, if you were on a date and the person you were with disagreed with something that is important to you, let’s say ‘how to earn money’. They may view certain things as acceptable, and you may not and visa versa.

Now, lets say that you are a matured person, and have a Macro Purpose, or Life Purpose, mission in life such as: To Express Love with Integrity, or To Live Life with Courage and Passion. That is who you choose to be, who you are, and the way you choose to live your life.

Now when on a date, in that ‘moment’, your Micro Purpose is related to that particular situation you’ve placed yourself into. Your Micro Purpose or Goal for the date, may be:

To Give the Gift of your Presence, Put a Smile on Her Face, Discover if You’re Compatible, Let Her Discover How Wonderful a Guy You Really Are, Share Yourself With Her, Find Aspects of Her You Never Knew Existed, Bring Out the Best in Her, and the list can go on and on, as there are many different situations you can be in.

So now, you know what it is you want to do in the moment, the How, and you know who you are within, and now know what to do. So you fulfill your Micro Purpose through your Macro Purpose.

In the previously mentioned situation, where you and your date are having a disagreement, what would you do if your Macro Purpose was to “Live a Life of Love and Integrity” and your Micro Purpose was to “Put a Smile on Her Face”?

Well you would being centered within, express yourself through love, so you wouldn’t try to make her feel lower than you or stupid for not having the same views as you, and you wouldn’t bow out, and agree with her just to make her happy, because you are also expressing yourself with Integrity.

You would express yourself in a way that has that energy of ‘laughter’ with it, which you would communicate through your tone of voice, your body language, the words you choose to use. She would laugh and you would have manifested your Micro Purpose in that moment. If she didn’t laugh, you being centered within, would still be content, for you would have fulfilled your Macro Purpose, which is to Live a Live of Love and Integrity, which is really the only area in your life that you can Truly have Control Over, which is You.

Additionally, being centered, the way you go about making her laugh would express love, therefore, you wouldn’t say, put someone else down, to put a smile on her face, because you wouldn’t be living a life of love.

Even though you achieved your Micro Purpose, you didn’t achieve your Macro Purpose, which means you weren’t centered in that moment, which is a ‘win’ but a shallow’ win, which you will feel at the pit of your stomach, every time you trade your integrity or self-respect for the quick-win in the moment.

So your Macro Purpose is about your “Being”, who you are, the big picture, Micro Purpose is about your “Doing”, how you do it, in the moment by moment, the play by play.

Because being centered within is your Root State of Being, the person you are when you are being Authentic and Real, you can choose who you want to be. Within You lies the Power of Choice.

So first, you must know ‘who you want to be’. Answering this honestly, will lead you the core of your being, where you can decide on what kind of Qualities and Attributes you want to develop.

Now, most dating consultants basically tell you to develop qualities or attributes that are more attractive to the opposite sex if you want to increase your dating success which is all good, but focusing on what the other person is looking for isn’t the right center, for that center is outside you.

Instead look within for what qualities you feel would express your own inner attractiveness, your own authentic inner sensuality, or quality of being. The you that is your Ideal Self, the person you aspire to be.

In the beginning of life, we develop or adopt qualities others have chosen for us, say our parents, but these qualities, whether good or bad are not fully the ‘real’ you, even though some or most of these good qualities may part of the Ideal You.

There often is more to you that you’ve previously acknowledged or realized, unless you spend time periodically reflecting on who you are, who you are growing into, and where you are going in life.

This is because, we as humans, to be fulfilled, need to choose some of those qualities ourselves, so that we have deep conscious roots within ourselves, because we’ve taken the time to grow into the persons we’ve always wanted to be, by choice, and not by circumstance or to please someone else, or get others to like us.

Then those virtuous qualities you choose to cultivate and express yourself through, become part of your center, and no matter how others feel about who you are, you will always be centered within, for you will KNOW that the person you are is wonderful, and that is who you choose to be.

You will often then see, that since many of those around you haven’t found their ‘center’, the emotion of jealously, created by their ego-self, will cause them to react negatively to the love-energy your emanate from your presence.

Since most people often listen to the voice of their egos, even though their conscience will say ‘no’, they remain unconscious, and end up doing and saying things that reflect the inner conflict within, and lacking they are in peace of mind, and inner contentment of spirit.

So if you experience these types of negative vibrations while cultivating or expressing virtuous qualities when out in the dating scene, you can be calm, confidence, and centered within, because you know that people’s reactions to you have nothing to do with you, only with them and the way they are inside.

They are just expressing themselves, and that’s ok too, so why lose your center and ‘get upset’. Why not ‘get centered’ instead?

Because these ones are centered outside themselves, by you remaining centered within, even if they are not seeing things your way, or they are not getting their way and are upset, or they are trying to push your buttons to see how much integrity you have within, they will in turn, being to emulate your ‘state of being’, because they are in your presence, and that is what you are projecting.

If you get all excited and go to their level, then you’ll just be fueling their own vibrations by ‘vibrating’ at their ‘frequency’, and since they take their cues from what’s happening around them and not within, you both will get all worked up for no reason other than you both aren’t being yourselves, and who you think you should be.

So learn to look within and begin today by choosing to develop inner qualities worthy of being you. Then as you grow and expand into the person you truly want to be, your ‘ideal’ or ‘ultimate’ self, you will be able to express self with purpose in everything you do and in every aspect of your life, always ‘knowing’ how to act, what to do, what to say, and what you want!

David Vassell