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The
Feature Articles
New Article
"The
Best Ways to Develop a Lasting Relationship"
Conscious
Communication Series
Part 02
"Express
Yourself
with Purpose"
February
2007 Part 01
"Dress
to Express"
January 2007
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January 2007
What will I wear tonight? How often that question has been asked, for the
things that we wear communicate much about ourselves, that we take great
importance in what we wear.
The way we look when on a date is just as important as what we say on a date
and how we say it. When those three aspects of our ‘Conscious Communication’
are ‘on-point’, then the fullness of our being, can be expressed and
communicated, for only in that way can we truly share who we are with one
another, and perceive the depth of each other completely.
The clothes you wear communicates at a distance most of what another person
who may be interested in you needs to know, in order to make a decision as
to whether or not you are their ‘type’. Before a person even gets a chance
to communicate with you verbally, your body language and attire speaks
volumes about the type of person you are.
In order for you to be able to communicate an attractive expression of
yourself, there are a few things that one should first consider.
When deciding what style one should wear for a date, or when out with
friends meeting new people, what most people do is imagine in their minds
the type of person they want to meet, and then ask themselves, “what would
they be attracted to”? “What would they think looks good on me?” “What would
get their attention?”
The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is ‘off-center’ by nature.
When you start thinking about what the other person is looking for, you are
in ‘dress to impress’ mode and that state of mind will prevent you from
being authentic and unique.
No matter what you wear, what you say, what you do, you cannot ‘impress’
everyone, as we all have difference tastes, and this is why ‘fear of
rejection’, is a delusion. You can never ‘attract them all’, for to do so
you would have to change who you are to fit them. Why go through all the
trouble of trying to be the type of man or woman you think the type of
person your attracted to would want, and just be the man or woman that you
are?
When you do that, you are in ‘dress to express’ mode, and from that
perspective you ask yourself, “What do I think looks good on me?” “What do I
feel good wearing?” “What feels comfortable on me?” “What says ‘me’ the best
when I wear it?” “What outfit can I put together that expresses my style and
personality the best?”
This is the right mindset for successful expression of ones qualities and
personality, for that is what you are focusing on. You are centered within,
because your internal focus is within, and therefore a natural charisma is
attained, because you are being authentic.
That in itself is the essence of attraction, because you are free of the
fear of what others may think about you, and the fear of not being accepted
for who you are. You accept who you are, and that is enough, so you are free
to express the fullness of that love you have within, and by doing so, you
attract the kind of person that is best suited for you, most ‘compatible’
with you, because it would be that type of person that would be attracted
the type of person you are.
Now it is you who has the choice as to what kind of relationship you will
allow in your life, and what kind of people you will bring into your life.
It is easy to fall into the trap of looking to others for direction instead
of looking within for direction, as we often fail to trust the direction of
our own consciences and intuition, even though many times the events in our
lives go hay-wire when we act contrary to our inner-knowing.
From the time we grow up as children we are used to looking to others for
direction and guidance, and that usually involved seeking approval from
parents or other authority figures, in the form of those ‘golden stars of
acceptance’, that you got every time you achieved an A+ in school, and other
activities.
When you grow up, the desire for approval and attention is often still
deeply ingrained in us as humans, because the very system that we are all
born into breeds this type of ego-mentality. The good news is, that part of
growing in maturity is to become self-contained, centered within, to know
who we are, and to express that fully as an authentic individual, as our own
person.
Those that you meet throughout your dating experience will often express
these feelings and sentiments of insecurity throughout the relationship in
different ways, as this fear of dis-approval, or non-acceptance, will spawn
itself in different ways, which will be discernable through the way they
dress, how they speak and what they say. Not everyone is mature enough to be
in an adult relationship, no matter how hot or attractive their bodies may
be, psychologically speaking, they need to grow up, and it is this lack of
grow that creates insecurities. Mature from that, and you lose your
insecurities that are preventing you from materializing the type of life you
know you desire.
Their style of dress will often be assembled to ‘over-compensate’ for a
perceived lack that they have, going to extremes to get attention, because
they are insecure as to whether they will be able to attract attention
without the outlandish ensemble. When it comes to women and guys style of
dress, women find it more attractive when a man ‘owns’ his style, and
doesn’t just ‘sport’ that fashion to get the attention he’s craving.
When you look to others for approval, you give up your power, and when you
do that, you lose that power to attract, you run out of gas, and you have
your hands out, begging for approval, for power, and who’s going to give it
to you, unless they get some benefit for it in return?
That’s why you have so many guys who feel that they need to spend money on a
woman to attract her, and can never keep her in the end, because the
‘wanting-it-tax’ becomes too high to pay, when one has to give up all
self-respect, to then again approval from another, which always feels empty,
since it doesn’t originate from within.
The more one grows in awareness of the dynamics of conscious communication,
one realizes the benefits of maintaining integrity to our centered self, by
being authentic in all our actions, in what we say and do. This is called
congruence, and it is a quality that must be cultivated if one is to express
the essence of your being to those you meet.
Congruence means that your communication is line with your conscious self,
the ‘you’ that you are expressing. If it isn’t, then you’ll come across as
acting, and you would be, because you wouldn’t be expressing yourself, you
would be ‘faking it’, and doing that to ‘make it’, never works, because it
never feels like the real ‘you’.
Instead, if you want to express more ‘globally attractive qualities’, when
communicating with the opposite sex, start by looking within yourself, and
imagine yourself expressing those qualities when communicating with the most
‘appealing’ person you can create in your mind. See and feel that those
qualities you now visualize yourself possessing, rooted within you, apart of
you, since we are after all who we choose to be.
Visualize yourself communicating those qualities through the way you speak,
through the words you choose to use, through the body language you choose to
communicate with, which most people are un-aware of, and through the way you
express yourself through our clothing.
See yourself just being you, being those qualities, those aspects of
yourself that you choose to be, but not caring whether or not anyone accepts
who you are or not, realizing that real acceptance can only come from
within. Accept yourself fully, everything you see within, each and every new
quality you created for yourself to express your infinite capacity, all that
is your being…now.
Know that you are enough, “know your love”. Once you accept those aspects of
yourself fully, and know that they are apart of you fully, you will
communicate those qualities as part of your authentic self automatically,
when you are centered within.
In reality, YOU are not your qualities. They are only the means by which we
choose to express who we are, or the state of our being, for any person can
develop any quality at any time. Even the most negative person can be moved
to create optimism in their lives, and take control of their destiny, or
‘personal destination’ in life.
So know who you are, who you want to be, who your authentic self is, and
then from that centered awareness, consciously communicate that expression
of who you are, so that you can be free of the worry of what to wear, for
you will wear what feels right, not what you think is right.
When your intuition is your compass and guide on the path towards dating and
relationship success, you will feel a surety in your actions which is
necessary to maintain integrity in congruity, so that you remain your unique
and authentic self.
By doing so, those very persons the world so fondly admires and look up to,
project a magnetic charisma which flows through them and through their
lives, turning each and every experience they have into an infinite treasure
of gold within each moment. By becoming centered within, and leaving behind
the confinements of having to follow the status-quo, of looking to others
for approval, for acceptance, for purpose, we then become alive and
awakened, to the potentials and possibilities in the ‘now’, all around us.
Then by ‘knowing our love’ fully, we’ll have the courage to take desired
actions and arrive within the realm of happiness, which is ours if we choose
it.
David Vassell
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