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The Feature Articles

New Article
"The Best Ways to Develop a Lasting Relationship"

Conscious
Communication Series

Part 02
"Express Yourself
with Purpose"
February 2007

Part 01
"Dress to Express"
January 2007

"Giving the Gift of Your Presence"

July 2007

"Give your self fully". "It’s not what you have, it’s who you are". "Just be yourself". "Don’t think just listen". "Be in the moment".  “I want someone with personality, who is confident, funny and sexy”.   These clichés are heard and spoken everywhere, everyday, but many don't fully how to fully put them into practice, or how they relate to your communication with those around  you, and especially in a romantic or intimate atmosphere. What these concepts point to is the groundwork of an attractive and authentic person.

To be yourself, to be confident, sexy, humorous, all relate to ‘giving yourself’ your presence, the qualities and traits you communicate behind your communication, which in turn fill those around you with those same powerful feelings you are projecting with your presence.  They now feel good too, just by being in your presence. 

Now, to be fully present, to be in the moment relates to your consciousness, how awake your consciousness is.

If you were daydreaming, someone would say that you’re not ‘here’ you’re in your head, off in la la land. When you ‘awake’ from your daydream, you are now conscious, aware of your surroundings, aware that some time has past by. Being in the moment is to live the moment, not thinking, not worrying. Instead it is relaxation with your surroundings, being comfortable where you are in that moment, not resisting the moment but flowing with it and directing it. Being relaxed and calm on the inside, radiating inner peace is a key part of confidence, and intense presence.

When you’re dating, there is a lot of stress involved in these situations, and people are often easily caught up in their own thoughts and forgetting that there is someone sitting across from them that deserves the gift of your presence, just for being in that moment with you. If they don’t then you should leave, and live your moments with someone who you feel is worth your time.

Moment ~ Momentum

Being in the moment… no past or future… Living in a state of momentum, that is what Moment is… Momentum. A constant flow. Energy. It’s dynamic. It’s where everything happens, where the movie of your life unfolds, frame by frame. We all “live in the now” literally.  That is where your awareness needs to be, in the now, and not in your mind, in your head thinking or daydreaming.  To Intensify your presence and awareness in the moment, start by eliminating unnecessary thinking, judging, imagining, especially when the other person is talking, and try to practice deeper breathing, as awareness of your deep breathing holds you into the moment, builds deeper relaxation for confidence. 

Whenever you find that your breaths are getting shallow, hold your awareness within your breathing and consciously breath more deeply.  With time, you will breath deeply automatically, providing you with a constant and  abundant supply of oxygen to keep you living, living in the moment.

To listen attentively is to be in the moment, because you need to be in the moment to fully listen. If you’re thinking, you’re not listening, and only when you’re in the moment can you fully and intensely enjoy the moment, and enjoy the dating experience.

To give the gift of your presence, is to give your awareness, to feel your world fully, to give confidence, to project it through your interactions. Giving confidence grows security, direction, and flow. The gift of your presence, your full awareness of the moment, your confident intent, perpetuates and intensifies your presence and your flow into the moment, which is where charisma and personal magnetism is born.

Fully embrace it, live it, allow yourself to dissolve and relax into it completely. Relaxation breeds confidence. Be the attractive and charismatic man or woman who projects and knows a relaxed confidence, aware presence; perceiving the world through your internal awareness, totally feeling your entire surroundings, the energy in the room, the people around you, the air your breathing, and feel what it really is be within the joy of living life.

In all ranges of situations be present. Give your presence the fullness of your personality. Being present is like turning on a flashlight… feeling your presence emanate like light… radiant. The more intense your presence is, the more deeply you feel your surroundings, consciously absorbing everything, noticing the details around you.

You can only love and connect deeply with others when you feel them deeply and completely, relaxing into each other. This type of giving builds connection. Being able to be fully present, giving your presence to those around you, and sharing the moment together has a powerful magnetic attraction within itself.

It’s the source of real and tangible charisma that resonates deeper with the core of our Being, far more than any physical attraction or attraction to some superficial aspect of a person, like their job, car, or bank account could ever be.

Giving the gift of your presence is a fundamental practice of for those in the singles scene, and anyone who wants to grow as a person and enjoy the experience of life more fully. Total and abundant, infinite and eternal presence is also necessary to cultivating a strong and lasting relationship, where trust, honesty, openness, acceptance of each other, and love flow.

Being in the moment, fully present, is being in a state of joy, which will automatically attract others to you, as your presence shines as a light through the boredom and normality of their everyday lives. This is often why people love to date, so that they can be with someone whom they can enjoy their life with fully, someone they can give to, feel the joy of giving, and of receiving.

Being fully present is attractive and powerful, but if you are silent and don’t say a word, you may have a harder time creating a deeper connection, than if you were also letting your true beauty shine through the intensity of your presence. In the moment, with each other seeing and communicating to that source of beauty in each other, you relax even deeper into the moment, and just like a child would have fun no matter where he or she was, you have fun with the moment.

While in the moment, giving your presence, share some playful banter, while enjoying each others presence, leaving all the worries and stresses of the day, from work, and other aspects of your life, all behind. After all, you cannot do anything about any other situation or issue in your life at that time, so accept that you will deal with it, but enjoy the moment now.

Don’t short-change yourself and the person you are dating by not being 100% with them, and allowing your mind to wander, and needlessly worry about things that you can’t act on while on your date, and only allowing your mind to dwell on the moment at hand.

The power of being fully conscious, fully aware, fully present, is that with it you give the most valuable and most unique gift of all… You.  As such, when you allow people to feel your presence, your value, your confidence in your own value, and how strongly rooted you are within yourself, being firmly internally centered, they will become automatically attracted.

If you are a man, women will automatically feel more attraction for you within them growing, and if you are a woman, men will automatically feel more attraction and intent towards you, when you let the full energy of your presence be felt, by all those around you. When your presence is focused on the person you are with, it intensifies the energy between the two of you, creating instantaneous sexual energy, tension, attraction, and chemistry.

Now if you are a man for example, and a woman responds to her attraction and starts showing you more interest while you are both talking, during which you continue to be present and feel her; feel the surrounding, maintain your focus, your presence, your awareness on her, but don't immediate respond to your attraction, allow it to intensify, while still feeling your surroundings through your internally centered awareness, giving the gift of your presence.

If you now start becoming externally centered, and too ‘into’ her, or feeling too much “Pull”, consciously lean back. Being externally centered, is when wanting becomes needing, she then pushes away. Neediness decreases your value and you no longer have any power in the situation to create attraction.

Internally centered awareness is, when you want them, but you don’t need them, or needing only your own validation, as opposed to needing others to validate you. Independence is internally centered, autonomous, as contrasting to dependence; in need outside yourself, and being internally centered is where you want your gift of your presence to emanate from.  Giving freely, in the joy of giving, and not needing anything back.

Now, additionally, along with presence you want to offer a challenge, giving the person a chance to earn your approval, and validation, which increases your value. If the person you are with is looking for an ‘attractive’ person, then they will want and expect you to be internally centered, if you are an attractive, charming, magnetic person. Now, being such, you know you’re valuable, a catch, so you don’t give the full extent of your presence, and love to just anyone.

Externally centered… You look at the person and think, they’re so hot, so attractive, so amazing, predominantly.

Internally centered… You look within yourself and see if that person is what you want, and look at the person from the perspective that you are a catch, and they could possibly be too.

Now, as sexual tension is created, the need for validation increases, to release some tension, which is why teasing, flirting, messing with each other, creates attraction so powerfully. The sexual tension or charge is allowed to exist, and flow, instead of being discharged by giving validation, or telling the person that you like them, or excessively complimenting and showing interest, or neediness.

Validation and offering challenge go hand-in-hand. Offer challenge, not allowing yourself to be ‘won over’ too easily. With attraction, the greater the challenge is, the greater the impact of and drive for validation. At the same time, be a challenge, but don't forge that you still need to lead the relationship along, if it is to go anywhere.

Knowing that if she’s up to your standards, she’ll demonstrate value to you, so that she can then be validated when you allow her to be in a relationship with you if she’s what you’re looking for, will allow you to gauge how to properly balance being a challenge to convey your value, and giving validation.

This way she can feel your strong intent and purpose, so she then knows that the relationship is going somewhere, which she is doing, by gauging the validation she receives from you. She will need validation often, whenever she feels unsure about the man’s intent and direction of the relationship.

In which case, the man will need to become more internally centered and align his behavior and action with his purpose, and then communicate that, constantly through the gift of his presence, where the source of his love flows.

Now, when the validation or challenge stops flowing the relationship is then in the deeper states of intimacy, where you have both affirmed your undying bond through love, or the relationship is totally dead. And yet… a little validation and challenge is still good once in a while, even in strong intimate relationships, where they become means of helping one another grow into deeper love together.

So essentially through giving the gift of your presence, you are also giving the gift of earning the full depths of your presence, and love.  You are always fully aware, feeling your surroundings, and the person you are dating, but you don't give the focus of your presence to them 100% constantly. Instead, allow them to earn it, moment by moment, which now enable you to lead the interaction through your internally centered awareness, and intense presence.

They still need to earn it; otherwise your presence although attractive loses value, and becomes like a cubic zirconium compared to a genuine diamond.  Once that has been realized, appreciation spawns and pulls you into the bottomless oasis of love, where all committed relationships want to call their home..

Giving the Gift of Your Presence, is a most precious gift indeed, one that originates from the goodness and joy of love that is within each and everyone, and is at the source of your ability to play the ‘dating game’, attract a mate, amplify and deepen those levels of attraction, build stronger bonds; leading you into deeper and more fulfilling intimacy. Keep giving the gift of your presence, and you will find that others will offer their gifts to you. It is now up to you, if you’re game for the taking.

David Vassell